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THE MOVIES OF MY LIFE
COMFY - 1970
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VIGARICES AGENCY (1970)
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Goodbye, old boy, and thank you
for a crushing weekend.
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Wonderful company, lovely food
and his wife makes love magnificently!
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Excuse me, sir,
but did I hear you correctly?
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What is this, old man?
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You were a guest in the house
this gentleman
for the weekend
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and you tell him to his face that
Does your wife make love magnificently?
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Yes that's right.
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Do you think it is
quite correct?
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Well no.
Not exactly, no.
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But he's a good guy, I don't
I would say nothing to offend you.
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I say, that was quite
thoughtful to you.
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Tariff?
Oh, very fair, I'd say.
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Let's go! Let's go.
I don't have all day.
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Oh, um,
Guildhall, please.
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Rates please.
More rates please?
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Rates, please.
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Going to the end?
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Why don't you go to
forward, sir? You will see better.
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Don't lie to me, Sidney Bliss.
You were with that woman
Esme Crowfoot all night.
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I keep saying, I just showed up
for a little while. Half an hour, that's all.
This isn't long.
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That's enough for you.
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What have you been doing?
Holding a stopwatch?
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What were you doing going
to her apartment anyway?
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She's one of our clients, isn't she?
I have to examine them, don't I?
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Oh, "veterinarian"! This is the
new word for this?
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I can't repair them with the
right partners until you discover the
what they do and how... they live.
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Like the young widow at the tobacconist?
You must have "evaluated"
her at least 50 times!
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Oh God, I just keep going
around for my shag!
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Look, it's my job to find out
what women do.
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You must take care of men.
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Don't be stupid.
I know what they do.
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Oh, don't try to play with yourself.
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What would you say if I
start examining?
All male customers?
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I'd say, "Gawd help them."
Rotten beast!
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I've had enough!
Sophie, it hurts!
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Cut it!
I've had enough of you!
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It's every night!
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Sophie, it hurts.
Have you gone crazy?
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Come in.
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Oh!
Oh, I apologize.
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It's okay, sir.
We are not ashamed to be
in love, are we, dear?
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No dear. What can we
do for you, sir?
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Er, well, it's about your ad.
I was looking for a wife.
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00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,031
And you couldn't have
arrived at a better place.
Could he be my little baby?
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No, indeed.
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Well it looks like I'm going to have to leave you
for a moment, baby.
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Business before pleasure, my dove.
You're going to forgive us, aren't you?
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See you later, sugar puff.
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I will count the moments until I
can enter you again.
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It's incredible. Ten years, we got married.
You would never believe that.
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Oh wonderful. I don't
would care about a wife like that.
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Did you like this? No, let's go
find you better than...
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We'll find you something
most suitable for you.
Won't you sit down, sir?
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Oh, Muffet.
Bertram Muffet.
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Muffin. Well, we'll have to find you
A crumpet to go with that, shall we?
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I beg your pardon?
Let it go. Now
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Er, Muffet.
Muffet, yes.
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Our charges, and a lot
they are also reasonable,
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There are two records for guineas, two for
the introduction and two when you click.
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Click?
Get married.
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If you click without getting married,
There are four guineas.
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Oh, yes, okay.
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Bertram muffin.
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Muffet.
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That's right, yes. We will
just get some details. Was it?
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Oh, er, 17, I think.
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17?
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Well I thought the younger
she was, the longer she lasted.
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No no no. I want
your details. Your age.
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Oh, 27.
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27. And what do you
Are you interested?
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Same as most
sometimes he likes to do it, I suppose.
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And that is?
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Well, I don't know.
I've never done that yet.
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You should try.
It's adorable.
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What am I trying to do?
to discover what you like to do,
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so I can fix it
you with a girl you like too.
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Oh yes, I would like that too
from a girl who likes that.
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Yes, it's useful.
Hobbies?
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Ah well, my main
It's making model planes.
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Model planes?
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Yes, outside of milk bottles.
Milk snacks?
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Yes. They're not flying models, of course.
No? You surprise me. Any other hobbies?
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I prefer to collect
book correspondences.
You know, all different packages.
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I don't think we will
have a lot of problems
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finding you a girl
who likes to make planes outside the
bottles and collecting the strange package.
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Oh, good.
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Okay, well, that's the lot.
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Oh wonderful.
Er, what happens now?
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Come with me.
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Now then.
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All we do is feed
the information on the computer here,
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and, after a few minutes,
The lady suitable for you will come there.
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What? Through that little slot?
She must be very small.
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No no no.
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Just the details of
lady, not the lady herself.
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This is a fantastic piece of machinery,
Do you know this? It costs a bomb.
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This is a miracle of modern technology.
Here we go.
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Bottle tops and
book matches!
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What a capture!
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Oh!
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Oh yes.
I think this is the
ideal, Mr. Bliss.
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Here we are, then.
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Oh, God!
That was quick.
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That's the beauty of it,
you see, Mr. Muffin. Muffet.
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A colleague can spend his life
trying to find the right girl.
This machine does it in minutes.
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Let's see who it is
The lucky one, then?
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There was a small
Technical error here.
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This is definitely
out of circulation.
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What's the idea?
Why her?
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Why not?
She is one of our clients.
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I know that, but she's not good.
You seem to find her very satisfactory.
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All good.
You had your little prank.
Let's have another one.
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You seem to forget, Sidney, dear,
I didn't choose her,
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was chosen by
This miracle of modern technology.
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Or maybe you would like me to explain
for our customers, how it works.
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No no no.
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We don't need
from you... darling.
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I want to see this
The gentleman is correct, dear.
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It's a shame about that,
Mr. Muffin, what a shame.
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Oh, is your computer wrong?
No, it was very precise.
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The lady's hobby is not compatible
with yours. Oh, but how?
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00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:07,599
Well, she likes to make decorations
Christmas tree out of milk bottles.
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This could lead to all fights
the mornings about who will have the top.
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I'm sure
that we wouldn't do it.
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This would bring the production of your
aircraft to a standstill.
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Oh, nonsense, dear.
I think it's a good idea.
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You can't just imagine
these two young people? Sitting in front
of a fire every night,
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doing things
with your tops?
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I'm very ready for
go if she is, Mr. Bliss.
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She's ready alright, man...
to go, I mean.
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Don't be a
spoilsport, Sydney.
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Your number is on the card.
Let me call you.
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I will do this...
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darling.
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That's it.
Now hold on.
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Oh, excuse me one
moment, will you?
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Esme Crowfoot speaking.
Can I help?
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00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,193
Ah, this is Mr. Bliss from
Wedded Bliss Agency.
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00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,910
You've got a nerve calling me
after the way you behaved
last night, I must say.
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Yes, and I'm sorry if I bothered you
you, Miss. Crowfoot.
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00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,311
The fact is that we have a
young gentleman here
Who is eager to meet you.
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00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,710
Well, if he's anything like you,
I don't think I like it
to find it, thank you.
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She's excited about it.
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I don't know what you think I am,
or wait for me to do it,
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but it will take more than one
dozen of tired daffodils
to do so, I can assure you.
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00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,278
It's nice of you to say that.
We do our best
to give satisfaction.
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00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,475
How about tonight?
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Yes, everything is fine with Mr. Muffin.
Muffet.
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00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,832
How about the Parkway Cocktail Bar,
7:30 tonight?
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00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:41,078
Adorable. Well. Yes, it's nothing.
It's a pleasure.
You are very welcome.
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That's it, then.
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00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,591
Record of two guineas, two guineas
for the introduction. There are four guineas.
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00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:51,195
I will give you one of our
introductory letters, so that
let her know that you come from us.
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00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,633
Oh, yes, thank you.
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00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,110
And you might like to have
our little booklet, giving
some dating tips,
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a kind of
Do-lt-Yourselves.
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I beg your pardon?
Let it go. Aqui estamos.
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Thanks.
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00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,275
Ah, sim, muito obrigado.
Isso � muito legal de voc�.
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00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,828
The Wit To Woo de Sidney Bliss.
Interesting.
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Sim, tudo bem, ent�o.
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E a melhor sorte
para voc�, Sr. Muffet.
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Er, Muffin. Erm ...
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Havia alguma outra coisa?
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Apenas minha mudan�a.
Eu dei uma nota de cinco libras.
That's right.
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H� dois registros guineenses, dois para
a introdu��o e 16 bob para o livreto.
174
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,318
Oh. Ai sim.
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00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,913
Eu sim.
Oh, obrigado.
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00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,558
Sim. De modo nenhum.
Aqui estamos.
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00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,313
Don't forget.
Parkway Cocktail Bar, 7:30. Ta-ta.
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Sophie.
Sophie!
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00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,032
Now cut, Sophie!
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00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,274
Well, Henry, you
listened to Snooper's advice.
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00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,316
Do you think that
should we try?
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00:12:55,400 --> 00:13:00,349
If you want, Emily, but
personally I don't think
a couple of steps will be the answer.
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00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:07,118
If I were to help you
solve your problems,
I must insist on absolute frankness.
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00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:12,832
Don't be afraid to use words
natural for natural functions.
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00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,595
You won't surprise me
easily, I can promise you.
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00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,832
So let's have all the dirty sheets
and give it a good cleaning, eh?
187
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,388
Now, who will be first?
You, Mrs. Dreery?
188
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:28,679
Well, actually, I suppose the
The problem is that we can't continue.
189
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,958
Now, let's try to be more precise.
Get on... what? A horse? A bus?
190
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:38,751
Oh no. You know. Well, we just
we seem to have lines all the time.
191
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,308
Ah, lines, yes.
About what, precisely?
192
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,871
Oh, everything. How the way
how he continued about that
campfire chair, I got him.
193
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,552
I think so, um
'everything. Look at him!
194
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,916
Must have been done for a bloody graft.
I wouldn't get half of my ass
195
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,233
Just the cause of a
dispute, Mr. Dreery.
196
00:13:55,320 --> 00:14:00,997
You must learn to turn the other
cheek, in a manner of speaking.
197
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:05,153
I didn't come here for a laugh,
you know, friend. I can stay in
home and look at her for it.
198
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:10 678
Yes, well, there is usually
a little deeper, cause
underlying stress in these cases.
199
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,716
Of course.
200
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,237
Let's face it. You see, our
problem is about our... sex.
201
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:21,518
You must not have any
problem in that direction.
After all, you are one of each.
202
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,431
Some people
They're much worse, you know.
203
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,353
- You're trying to be
funny, mate?
- No, no. Certainly not.
204
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,476
You don't seem to understand, man.
205
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,677
You see, the problem
with my wife...
206
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,591
She won't have...
207
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,511
relationships.
208
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,068
I think this
It's not fair, Mrs. Dreery.
209
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:42,438
After all, it's perfectly normal to entertain
family members from time to time.
210
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,636
No no no no no no.
211
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,472
She won't have...
212
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... intercourse.
213
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,513
What?! Well you should
talk about something.
214
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,637
What is he trying
say we never have that.
215
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,592
This intimacy
It never happens between us.
216
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:03,356
Oh, I see! Well, of course, you should have
mentioned that first.
217
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,352
Obviously, this is
the basic root of the problem.
218
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,317
yes. Well, of course.
219
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:12,154
It naturally follows that all
You should lead a well-balanced sex life.
220
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,437
This is the problem:
It is not well balanced.
221
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,476
He is five stone
heavier than me.
222
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,192
Mm. Yes. Oh.
223
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:24,273
I understand. Yes, I can understand
the position in which you
been put in... put in
224
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,749
Stone the crows.
What is he talking about?
225
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,832
But don't you see?
Right now, you're dead weight.
226
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,433
And you are a
bloody loss.
227
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,476
Don't talk to me like that!
228
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,471
Here I am, trying to help you...
229
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,552
Help me? You can't help
a dog finding a
bloody lamp post.
230
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,073
How dare you!
231
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:43,516
You come here using ridiculous words
such as "relationships" and "intercourse"
232
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,955
without having the slightest idea
what do they mean!
233
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,838
I don't know what they mean?!
You're around the bloody twist!
234
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,992
That's it! Get out of
My office, do you hear?
Skirt!
235
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,719
We're leaving!
Don't worry, mate!
236
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,318
Mr. Snooper, I must ask
for you to keep your voice down!
237
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,356
You can be
heard throughout the building.
238
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,352
I'm very sorry. I was trying to give
this miserable couple, any advice.
239
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,035
Advice You could not advise
a constipated cow takes a laxative.
240
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,999
Sir, sir, if you and your wife
I would like to wait outside,
241
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,036
I'll see you in a little while.
242
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,277
Snooper, these incidents are
happening very frequently.
243
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,316
Well I really
I'm sorry, sir.
244
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:25,076
It's not all your fault.
I shouldn't have employed
A bachelor to give advice to couples.
245
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,835
But I know everything about couples.
My father and mother were one, you know.
246
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,115
I'm glad to hear
That's it, but it's not good enough.
247
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:35,034
Unless you are
prepared to get married,
We will have to dispense with your services.
248
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,715
- Is that understood?
- But I'm a confirmed single.
249
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,756
I don't know
no women.
250
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,196
Then find one!
Go to an agency
marriage or something.
251
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,475
But do it.
Shortly.
252
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:52,476
Married? This will
mess up my whole life!
253
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,516
Well, okay then.
254
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,556
Age, habits,
hobbies, likes, dislikes.
255
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,596
Now, you said
Have you ever been married before?
256
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,750
That's right.
Twice.
257
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,751
Are your wives dead?
258
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:03,989
That's right.
259
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,798
I understand.
260
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,678
The first wife
died from eating mushrooms.
261
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,796
I'm sorry to hear that.
262
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,472
So she was.
263
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,593
The second wife
died of a fractured skull.
264
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,990
A fractured skull?
How did this happen?
265
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,593
I wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
266
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,636
I wouldn't eat the mu...
267
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,758
Thank you, Dr. Crippen.
Don't call us, we'll call you.
268
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,432
Thanks.
269
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,312
You must be kidding!
270
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,396
Oh good afternoon.
The Wedded Bliss Agency sent it to me.
271
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,833
Mr Philpot?
272
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,957
That's right. I should know
a Miss Jenny Grubb.
273
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,234
Wouldn't you be?
274
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,639
Jenny is my daughter.
275
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,996
Oh, thank God...Er, thank God
God I came to the right place.
276
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,832
That remains to be seen.
277
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,876
Thank you very much.
278
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,672
Jenny is here,
Mr. Philpot, drinking tea.
279
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,673
- You didn't have that, did you?
- Oh no. No, this is the
first time we met.
280
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,718
- Tea, Mr. Philpot.
- Oh, I'm sorry. No, I don't.
281
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,316
Good afternoon.
282
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,275
Good morning.
283
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,591
This is Mr. Philpot,
who wants to marry Jenny.
284
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,514
I say, firm. I mean, give us the
chance to get to know each other first.
285
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,352
See how we
We got along well, didn't we?
286
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,273
Mr. Philpot, you too
can understand here and now
287
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,909
that there will be no question
to "get it right" before marriage.
288
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,152
No, I just didn't want you to get it wrong.
I just went to the agency for some fun.
289
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,949
If it's fun you want it
I fear you have
coming to the wrong place.
290
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,439
Yes I can see that.
291
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,075
Well, you can also meet Jenny
now that you are here.
292
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,037
Thanks. Well, good
have met you all.
293
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,076
She's here, Mr. Philpot.
294
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,676
This is Jenny.
295
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,516
How are you, Jenny?
296
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,512
No contact
still physical, please.
297
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,239
Jenny, take the
Mr. Philpot some tea.
299
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,596
Oh, I'm so sorry!
300
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,033
I beg your forgiveness.
301
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,678
- There!
303
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,676
Thanks.
304
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,918
Well, that's cool.
305
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,798
- Sugar?
- What?
306
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,836
- Sugar?
- Oh yes. Thanks.
307
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,432
Oh, I'm so sorry.
308
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,476
I beg your forgiveness.
He slipped.
309
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,913
Sorry.
310
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,672
Oh!
311
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,193
- Mr. Philpot?
- Yes.
312
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,352
Would you mind retaking your seat?
before destroying the entire house?
313
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:27,714
Yes, I'm sorry.
314
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,153
Oh!
315
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,278
I seem to have done
one of his albums in.
316
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,796
It doesn't matter.
It's just the Crown Derby.
317
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,950
- All right then.
- Jenny.
318
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,270
Please take Mr. Philpot
some more tea.
319
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,999
You must think that
I'm very clumsy.
320
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:49,552
Yes, but let's forget its most obvious
deficiencies and arrive at practical issues.
321
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,596
As for the dating period...
322
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:52,715
Yes?
323
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,360
You will have permission to
see Jenny once a week,
324
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,477
in company with myself, of course,
and other family members.
325
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,676
I mean, I wouldn't be
Are you able to see her alone?
326
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,990
Oh, I don't think
that would be absolutely wise.
327
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,550
Jenny led a very sheltered life
and had little or no experience of men.
328
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,868
Same?
329
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,916
- I did it.
- I beg your forgiveness?
330
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,956
- Put it inside.
Oh!
331
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,076
- Sugar.
Oh!
332
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,879
And what is your status
financial, Mr. Philpot?
333
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,395
Sorry. In fact, I have a
private rental near L
334
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,674
Is that all?
335
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,193
Well, that's enough.
336
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,475
Not enough to manage
a big house this size.
337
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:35,076
I see myself and other members
of the family to provide.
338
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,072
We don't live extravagantly,
but we like to live well.
339
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,116
Just a minute.
Just a minute.
340
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:45,115
Just supposing I was a mug
enough to marry her, you really
Do you think I would live here? With this lot?
341
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,952
Naturally.
342
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:51,033
We have always been and intend to remain
a big, happy family.
343
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:55,750
Oh no, I'm afraid it wouldn't work.
They would never fit in with the
the way I like to live.
344
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,274
Parties all night.
Strip poker.
Marijuana smoke.
345
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,679
No, I'm not afraid.
346
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,751
I'll say goodbye and
Thanks for the tea.
347
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,676
Goodbye.
348
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,438
I like him.
349
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:26,674
Wedd Bliss Agency.
Let us bring some
of happiness in your life.
350
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,433
Hello, Mr. Philpot.
How was the introduction?
352
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,954
Yes, I'm sorry she wasn't well
what you were looking for.
353
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,635
I can't check everything personally.
Inever even saw Miss Grubb.
354
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,752
- What did her mother do?
355
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,308
Yes, yes, I sympathize, Mr. Philpot.
356
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,356
Hang in there, wait a minute, will you?
357
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,671
Maybe I can get you into something
a little more malleable.
358
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,716
Er...
359
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,233
Oh yes.
360
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,437
We have Miss Adams here.
Now, there's an absolute cookie for you.
361
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,636
Just the work for you
- and she can cook too.
362
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,073
Yes?
Right.
363
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,709
The phone number
663404271, right?
364
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,349
No way, Mr. Philpot.
Our goal is to see that everyone
our customers obtain satisfaction.
366
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,436
And you.
367
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,758
Esme Crowfoot.
You have to do something
about that, Sidney.
368
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,639
Sophie, honey, I've been thinking.
369
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:26,709
Good?
370
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,793
About me fixing this for that
young Muffin fellow to meet the
Miss Crowfoot. It's all wrong.
371
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,314
I don't like the sound of that.
What's going on?
372
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,231
Nothing.
I called her and cancelled.
373
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,198
And what happens when he comes down
to the bar to meet her at 7:30?
374
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:42,876
Oh, I forgot about that. This is a nuisance.
I'll have to come down and explain.
375
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,953
Oh, that's a good idea.
Yes. I'm going too.
376
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,828
Why not? Wait a minute.
You can't. We have that
Snooper's mate coming at 8:00.
377
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,356
Oh, well, in that case,
I'll go down and explain to Mr. Muffet.
378
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,670
You stay here and
see Mr. Snooper.
379
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,716
Oh no, that wouldn't be fair, would it?
380
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,268
I put him in this mess
It's up to me to get him out of this.
381
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,511
I have some calls
to do on the way.
See you soon.
382
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,556
When will you see me?
383
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,153
Sidney Bliss!
384
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:14,154
I will fix
you, Sidney Bliss.
385
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:27,155
Hello! Of course I remember
from you, Mrs. Bliss.
386
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,596
Yes, we met for the last
time at that wedding when
I kept the gifts.
387
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,596
Yes, it was a shame about that.
388
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,830
No, they never found
the bride again.
389
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,070
Such a nice girl too.
390
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,596
Well, I called you, Mr. Bedsop,
because I want someone followed.
391
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,636
Mr. Bliss, indeed.
392
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,711
My husband, yes, that's right.
393
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,633
Oh, well, if you
describe to me.
394
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,312
Rotten,
395
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:52,958
cheating,
396
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:53,995
lying down...
397
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,311
No! No, Mrs Bliss,
a physical description, please.
398
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,960
Yes. Yes.
399
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:04,397
The general appearance
of an ancient and dissipated walnut.
400
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,711
And what's more, I can tell you
where he will be at 7:30 pm.
401
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,109
At the Parkway Hotel Cocktail Bar.
402
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,873
Right.
You leave that to me, Mrs. Bliss.
403
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,394
Check. Roger, on top and outside.
404
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,672
No footage
Tonight, then, Sally?
405
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,196
No, the worst luck.
I have to meet a photographer
from the advertising agency here.
406
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,713
More pinups, huh?
407
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:38,510
That's it. Sally Martin,star
unknown to stage, screen and television,
408
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:42,513
pictured in his home, with everything
about her but her clothes.
409
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:13,675
How are you? Getting to know you is
the most exciting moment
of my life, straight up.
411
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,235
Excuse me... but
I'm from the agency.
412
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:30,833
Oh yes. Hello.
413
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,229
Hello.
414
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,799
Good?
415
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,394
Muffet Bertram Muffet.
416
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,278
Oh. How are you, Mr. Muffet?
417
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,316
All right, thank you.
418
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,635
It's the most exciting moment of
It's my life to meet you straight.
419
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,676
Same?
420
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,719
Oh well, it's nice to meet someone
who knows who I am.
421
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,553
They told me
at the agency, you see.
422
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,631
Don't go and ruin everything.
423
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,631
I wonder if
Would you do me a pleasure?
424
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:01,948
What?
425
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,634
The pleasure of having a
meal somewhere.
426
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:09,555
Oh. Well, it's really very kind
on your part but it's not really
necessary, you know.
427
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,119
Isn't it?
428
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,156
No.
429
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:18,109
Look, I don't have much time,
so let's go straight back to the
my place and get to it, huh?
430
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,472
Some guys have all the luck.
431
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,833
Sorry. Have you ever had a colleague here
Looking for a woman?
432
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,114
We never received
no other type.
433
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,270
Don't move.
Small, skinny fellow.
434
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,316
- A little dopey-looking.
Bertram Muffet?
435
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,277
- He went out with Miss Martin.
Martin?
436
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:41,315
Sally Martin.
437
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:44,998
Oh.
438
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,753
She took him back to her house...
to get to him.
439
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:48,955
Forgiveness?
440
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:50,996
- That's what she said.
- Did she do it?
441
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,798
And I called him a drug!
442
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,510
Well, that's it.
443
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,194
I share with another girl,
but you don't have to worry.
She's working tonight.
444
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,396
It's very cool.
Very good indeed.
445
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,916
Well, anyway, it's
better than Regents Park.
- Regents Park?
446
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,390
Yes. That's where I did it last time.
On the bridge over the canal.
447
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,198
- Same?
- Mmm.
448
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,989
It was terrible. Freezing cold.
And people kept stopping to watch.
449
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,672
I'm not surprised.
450
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,716
I suppose so.
451
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,756
Still, it's annoying.
452
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,952
Now this is my room and
through the kitchen and bathroom.
453
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,792
You will want
Go in there, won't you?
454
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,394
Oh, no, thanks.
N�o apenas no momento.
455
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,517
Agradar a si mesmo.
Only the majority of subjects
parece querer um no banho.
456
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,068
In the shower?
Certainly not.
457
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,391
Oh. Bem, eu tenho essa grande esponja
voc� v�, e uma bucha.
458
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,391
Tenho certeza que voc�
could do something with that.
459
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:46,708
N�o, obrigada.
460
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,076
EST� BEM. EST� BEM. Voc� est� fazendo isso.
Agora, onde voc� gostaria de come�ar?
461
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,118
Bem, eu estou muito feliz aqui.
462
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,909
Well. Well, you get ready, then
e eu vou sair dessas roupas.
463
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,520
N�o, n�o, n�o, n�o!
I mean, there's no rush, are you?
464
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,353
- Well, I don't have all night.
- Well, I don't want all night.
465
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,395
I mean...
466
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,914
Well, you look absolutely
lovely as you are.
467
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,956
In this?
You must be kidding!
468
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,996
Not really. I like that.
469
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,629
Well, it's very kind of you to say that
but let's be sensible about it.
470
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:19,396
I mean, I'm not crazy about
undress, I believe, but it's
that people want nowadays.
471
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,278
So I say, if they
they want, let them have it.
472
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,195
- Ooh! Hey!
What do you think you're doing?
473
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:08,713
Hey, come back here!
474
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,510
And what are you doing?
475
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,558
It's okay, officer.
There is nothing wrong at all.
476
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,995
I was looking for one
man I was following.
- Same?
477
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,470
- I think you'd better come with me.
- I don't think you understand.
478
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:22,675
I was following a man.
479
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,716
He entered the locker room,
so I followed him.
480
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,677
W-W-W-Wh...
482
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,914
Ooh! If they get shorter,
they will have two more cheeks standing up.
483
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,837
Taxi! Taxi!
484
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,716
Rogerham Mansions.
485
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,473
Watch!
Don't use language like that
for me, mate.
486
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,994
You deaf old twit!
Go to that address.
487
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,719
As fast as you can.
488
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,036
Come back, you idiot!
Here!
489
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,792
Taxi!
490
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,996
Follow that taxi.
492
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,113
OK.
I'm ready.
493
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,869
Well, you don't need to look so worried.
I'll take this off as soon as it's ready.
494
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:22,393
Do you like this?
� Orlon.
495
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,869
It seems more like "everything is off"
for me.
496
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,837
Where do you want me?
497
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,876
Well I really
I don't care.
498
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,916
Well, you say,
you are the expert.
499
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,638
How about in bed?
500
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:34,994
No.
501
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,559
Well, where, then?
502
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,359
Well, I mean,
couldn't we just sit and talk for a bit?
503
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,273
Sit and talk? What about?
504
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,909
Anything. I mean,
I just didn't expect things to happen so quickly.
505
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,956
Just a minute.
506
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,508
Is this the first time you've ever done this?
507
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,192
Yes.
508
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,670
Oh, no. Don't say they've sent me a learner.
509
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,593
But I know what to do.
I mean, I've read books and things.
510
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:03,390
Oh, well. I suppose everybody's got to start
sometime, haven't they?
511
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:06,233
So, let's give it a try, eh?
512
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,355
I only bought this outfit this morning.
513
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,192
I hope it shows enough.
514
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,713
Oh, yes, plenty.
515
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,756
Well, if it doesn't, just yell out.
516
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,070
Now, how about lying on the rug to start with?
517
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,396
Throw me a cushion, can you?
518
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:31,273
That's it.
519
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:32,873
How's that?
520
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,678
Wonderful.
521
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,832
Well, come on, then. Where is it?
522
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:39,911
Where's what?
523
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,911
Your camera.
524
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,479
Oh, but I haven't got one.
525
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,393
What? What's that in your case?
526
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,516
Oh, that's my model aeroplanes.
527
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,079
Your what?
528
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,515
Model aeroplanes.
I thought you'd like to see them.
529
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,353
Why would I want to see
your model aeroplanes?
530
00:33:55,440 --> 00:34:00,070
Well, they told me at the agency that you make
Christmas decorations out of milk bottle tops.
531
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:04,392
- That's what I make these with.
- Christmas decorations out of milk bottle tops?
532
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,471
Right. I've never done that. It must be fun.
533
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,633
Oh, yes, yes. It's really great fun.
You really must try it.
534
00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:14,156
But just who at the agency
told you all this about me?
535
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:17,437
The chap who runs it. Mr Bliss. This one.
536
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,353
The Wedded Bliss Agency.
537
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,591
This is to introduce Mr Bertram Muffin.
538
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,194
- Yes, it should be Muffet.
- You're not a photographer?
539
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,589
Oh, dear me, no. I'm an undertaker's assistant.
540
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,636
An undertaker's... Oh!
541
00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:33,188
Oh, look, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Muffin...
542
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,236
- Muffet.
- But there's been a mistake.
543
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,072
I think you've met the wrong person.
544
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,037
- You are Miss Crowfoot, aren't you?
- No.
545
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,396
You see, I was going to meet a man
from the photo agency,
546
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,917
and when you said you were from the agency,
I naturally thought that it was you.
547
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,993
Oh. Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
But when I saw you, I thought...
548
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,390
Oh, what an idiot I've been. Excuse me.
549
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,476
You don't have to go. It wasn't your fault.
550
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,994
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Wait a minute!
551
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,036
(Laughs)
552
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,596
All right?
553
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,349
Well, that's it. Can't go any further.
Not without getting arrested.
554
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,678
You! I said I never wanted to see you again.
555
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,716
Help me! Help me!
556
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:52,756
What's happened to you? You're all wet.
557
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,308
I'm sorry, I didn't know anybody else
I could turn to.
558
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,392
What have you been doing? Come on inside.
559
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,436
Thank you. Thank you.
560
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,353
You're soaking. What have you been doing?
561
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,433
I couldn't help it. I just couldn't face
going through life any more without you.
562
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:08,475
What do you mean?
563
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,437
I tried to drown myself.
564
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,192
Where? What in?
565
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,032
The canal.
566
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,475
Canal? What canal?
567
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,632
What does it matter what canal?
They've all got water, haven't they?
568
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:23,190
Well, that was a silly thing to do.
Those canals are filthy dirty.
569
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,475
Who cares about that
when you're going to drown?
570
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,073
Why didn't you drown?
571
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,390
I forgot I could swim.
572
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,916
Come on. Get those wet things off
before you catch your death.
573
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:37,232
Fancy! No-one's ever tried to do away
with themselves because of me before.
574
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:41,632
- I'm flattered.
- You should be. This suit cost me 30 quid.
575
00:37:41,720 --> 00:37:45,395
I didn't really mean it, Sidney, you know,
about not wanting to see you again.
576
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,189
Thank you.
I don't want much, just to worship at your feet.
577
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:50,793
I've got better bits.
578
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,276
I'll put this by the fire.
Have you wet your trousers?
579
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,316
Eh? Oh!
580
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,995
Oh, yes. Well, I mean,
I went in feet first, didn't I? And my shirt.
581
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,310
Then, we'd better have it off, hadn't we?
582
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,675
You took the thought right out of my mind.
583
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,950
(Doorbell chimes Here Comes The Bride)
584
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,358
- Mr Snooper, is it?
- That is correct.
585
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:36,479
Oh, do come in. I'm sorry Mr Bliss can't be here.
I'm Mrs Bliss. Do sit down.
586
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:38,516
- Oh, thank you.
- That's it.
587
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,353
You don't mind discussing your problems
with a woman, I hope?
588
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,477
Oh, no, not at all.
My mother was a woman, you know.
589
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:45,754
Really?
590
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:50,197
I hope you don't mind my coming so late, but
I wanted to wait till everyone had gone home,
591
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,633
and the streets were clear.
592
00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:55,349
I wouldn't like to be seen coming here,
you understand?
593
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,718
Oh, you don't have to be embarrassed
coming to a marriage bureau, Mr Snooper.
594
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:04,157
The mating instinct is in all of us.
Everybody's doing it these days.
595
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:08,518
I know! I have to spend half my time
listening to how they do it.
596
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:09,874
I beg your pardon?
597
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,555
I am a marriage guidance counsellor, Mrs Bliss,
598
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:19,875
and my superior feels it would be advantageous
if I were married.
599
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,916
Oh, I understand.
600
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:28,872
Though, I must confess, I find it difficult
to believe that anyone as... cultured
601
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:33,875
and distinguished-looking as yourself
would have any difficulty in finding a wife.
602
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:38,954
That is very true, of course,
and up till now, I've had no need for one.
603
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:43,158
Miss Dempsey, my housekeeper,
caters for my every need...
604
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:45,549
about the house, of course.
605
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:49,394
Cooking, cleaning and scrubbing.
She does all the scrubbing.
606
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:55,635
So, what you really want is a wife
who can satisfy your superior.
607
00:39:55,720 --> 00:39:58,757
Good gracious, no! He has his own wife.
608
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,796
Yes, of course.
609
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,111
Well, I'm quite sure that
we'll find someone suitable for you.
610
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:10,389
A woman with charm and intelligence who can
grace your table and run your house efficiently.
611
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:14,519
- Yes. And bring me a cup of tea in bed.
- Oh, of course.
612
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,830
I always fancy it in the mornings, you know.
613
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:18,558
Really?
614
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:23,270
Oh, yes. Gets the system going.
I am a man of regular habits.
615
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,874
Once a week, I dine at my club.
616
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,916
Once a week, I play squash.
617
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,993
Once a week, bridge, and so on.
Everything in moderation.
618
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:36,790
Yes, of course. Well, I think
once a week is enough for anything, don't you?
619
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:38,518
Precisely.
620
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:42,639
Well, I'm sure that
we'll be able to find someone suitable.
621
00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:46,679
And being a virile man,
of course you would like to have a child.
622
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:50,435
Oh, no! A fully-grown woman, I think.
623
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,799
Excuse me, I'd like to use the phone, if I may.
624
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,031
I'm awfully sorry to disturb you,
but this is important.
625
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:19,032
Oh. Oh, I'm awfully sorry to trouble you,
626
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,556
but would you have a sixpence
for two threepenny bits, please?
627
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,396
By any chance?
628
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,076
Oh. Oh, thank you very much.
629
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,269
Thank you.
630
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,670
Well, here's your receipt, Mr Snooper,
631
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,196
and we'll be getting in touch with you very soon
regarding an introduction.
632
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:45,398
Thank you very much. And I must let you
get home now. You're looking rather tired.
633
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,517
Well, it is a long day
and Mr Bliss and I are always at it.
634
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,955
Well, as long as it's not through overwork.
635
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,276
(Phone rings)
636
00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:01,075
Wedded Bliss Agency. Mrs Bliss.
637
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,151
Ah, Mr Muffet.
638
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,471
Oh, hello. Mrs Bliss,
I'm afraid there's been a bit of a mix-up.
639
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,994
I seem to have met the wrong girl. Yes.
640
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,994
Um, no, I got the right place and time,
641
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:18,358
but there was this girl who thought
I was someone else and I thought it was her.
642
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:23,389
And we didn't find out her mistake... I mean,
my mistake, until she got most of her clothes off.
643
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,233
But I don't understand this, Mr Muffet.
644
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,709
Didn't Mr Bliss meet you at the bar?
645
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,360
No? Are you sure?
646
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,276
I see.
647
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:39,751
Oh, yes, I think I know what he's doing,
Mr Muffet.
648
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,798
Look, you still want to meet Miss Crowfoot,
I take it?
649
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:44,836
Good.
650
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:46,876
Why don't you go to her flat?
651
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,195
Yes. I'll give you the address.
652
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:54,592
Um, Rogerham Mansions, yes. Dunham Road.
653
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,992
Right. Yes, and thank you.
Yes, thank you, Mrs Bliss. Goodbye.
654
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,795
Esme! Esme!
655
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,476
- Are you feeling better now?
- No.
656
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,120
But I might if I didn't have to
keep looking at that thing.
657
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,031
Oh, don't you think he's rather gorgeous?
658
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,190
- Gorgeous?!
- That's Gripper.
659
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,111
Griper would be more like it.
660
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,270
Gripper Burke. He's a wrestler.
661
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,396
Get away! I thought it was a ballet dancer.
662
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,038
Well, he and I had quite a thing once.
663
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,554
I don't know what it was,
but he had quite a hold on me.
664
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,232
Probably the Indian death lock.
665
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,118
Then he had to go to America
and I haven't heard from him since.
666
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,839
Obviously the same as me,
all-out for a submission.
667
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,480
Now, don't start that nonsense all over again.
668
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,552
Nonsense? Haven't you heard?
That's what makes the world go round.
669
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:56,633
I've done my share of keeping it going
in the past, now I'll let someone else have a go.
670
00:43:56,720 --> 00:43:59,029
- Me, for instance. Come here!
- No, Sidney, don't!
671
00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:03,871
Sidney, you mustn't! Not in your condition.
672
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,633
- Right now I couldn't be in a better condition.
- No, Sidney.
673
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:10,349
Oh, come on, darling.
I'm not just on the make - I really fancy you.
674
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,996
No!
675
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,230
Oh, blimey, why not?
676
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:19,312
Because I am keeping myself.
677
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,949
- That's all right. I don't want to keep you.
- I mean, for the man I marry.
678
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,235
- You're making a big mistake.
- Why?
679
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:28,232
- It's like a car, isn't it?
- What is?
680
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,676
You lay it up for a few years,
suddenly you want to use it and it's rusted up.
681
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,239
True.
682
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,390
But if it has a regular service... no trouble.
683
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,074
- Look, it's not that I don't want to, Sid, but...
- Yes?
684
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:39,718
(Doorbell rings)
685
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,950
- Who can that be?
- Never mind. Don't answer it.
686
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:44,679
- I have to. It might be business.
- What do you think this is?
687
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,716
I'll get rid of them as quick as I can.
688
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,956
(Doorbell rings)
689
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:56,878
Pussycat!
690
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:58,916
Gripper! Oh!
691
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,559
Oh! W-W-When did you get back?
692
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:07,234
Just now. I had enough of it over there.
693
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,959
Besides, I missed you too much.
694
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,157
I'm sure you did, Gripper.
Oh, put me down, please, you're hurting me.
695
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:15,754
- Eh?
- You're... Oh! Oh!
696
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,473
Oh... There.
697
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:22,120
Nobody can say Gripper Burke don't fight fair.
698
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:23,758
No, no, no!
699
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,877
Oh, Esme, darling,
I can't wait to get started with you again.
700
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,916
I'm sure you can't, but not tonight, please.
701
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,436
What? You haven't found somebody else,
have you? Because you promised.
702
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,557
- Oh, no, of course not, no.
- Oh, well, that's all right, then.
703
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,189
- Seconds out. Second round. Doing!
- No, Gripper, please, no!
704
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,236
Hey!
705
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,276
No, Gripper. No, Gripper, please!
706
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,476
No, no, Gripper!
707
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:48,516
No! No!
708
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,158
Gotcha!
709
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:53,710
My favourite hold, remember?
It used to make you turn to jelly.
710
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,872
Yes, but I don't really feel like
turning to jelly tonight, Gripper.
711
00:45:56,960 --> 00:46:00,509
- That's all right. We've got all night.
- No, dear. I really am awfully tired.
712
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,033
Oh, all right, then.
713
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,076
There. That's better.
714
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:07,709
'Ere, let me tell you about my last fight
in the States.
715
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:10,678
Man Mountain Dawson they call him.
716
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:16,437
Man Mountain?! More like Ant Heap, he was!
717
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,796
He couldn't have wrestled with
his bloomin' conscience!
718
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:24,749
Anyway, in the first round, he comes out
roaring and bellowing like some animal...
719
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:30,555
- It sounds fascinating, Gripper, go on.
- 'Ere, those are men's clothes.
720
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,712
- You've got a bloke here!
- No, of course not, Gripper.
721
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:40,713
Where is he? I'll kill him! I'll tear him apart!
722
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,156
See? I told you there was no-one here.
723
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,076
- Do you think I'm daft or something?
- Yes.
724
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:58,912
- Eh?
- No, no, no. I mean, no.
725
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,434
Tell me, then.
What were those clothes doing here?
726
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:03,590
I was just drying them off for someone.
727
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:08,674
Yeah? Well, he'd better not come back
while I'm here, or he'll find me waiting for him.
728
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,716
(Thunderclap)
729
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,356
Oh, no!
730
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,669
Honest, Gripper, I haven't seen any other men
since you went away.
731
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:22,716
- Honest?
- Yes, really.
732
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:26,836
(Doorbell rings)
733
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,157
Good evening.
This is Miss Crowfoot's flat, isn't it?
734
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,800
Yeah. What about it?
735
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,952
Well, they said if I was to come here,
it would be all right.
736
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:40,713
Oh, they did, did they?
737
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,598
Yes, Mr Bliss said that
she'd be just what I was looking for.
738
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:45,238
Oh.
739
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:48,278
- Well, you'd better come in, hadn't you?
- Thank you.
740
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,316
Hello. I'm from the agency.
741
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,960
I don't know what you're talking about.
742
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:57,159
You're from the agency, did you say?
743
00:47:57,240 --> 00:48:00,312
Yes, that's right. Muffet's the name.
Bertram Muffet.
744
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:10,189
- Gripper! What are you doing?
- I'll kill him!
745
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,637
Aaaah!
746
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,236
Good night, Esme.
747
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:29,230
Hello, is that the Wedded Bliss Agency?
748
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:35,077
Good. I was trying to trace a Mr Bertram Muffet.
A client of yours, I believe.
749
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,116
Yes.
750
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,156
What?
751
00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:41,196
What's he doing in a hospital?
752
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:42,633
What?
753
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:46,269
Look, darling, I love you, I adore you
and you're my very favourite model,
754
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:48,316
- but not for this particular job.
- Why not?
755
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:50,675
No bristols. You're flat-chested.
756
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:52,193
Adrian, please!
757
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,635
- What do you mean, flat-chested?
- Well...
758
00:48:54,720 --> 00:48:58,235
Sally, did you hear him? Am I flat-chested?
Am I, now?
759
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:00,550
I don't know. Turn around and let's have a look.
760
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,198
Oh, ha-ha!
761
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:03,952
You've never worried about it before.
762
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:07,191
Look, I have told you, for this particular job,
they want watermelons.
763
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,714
All right. Go and find someone else. I don't care.
764
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,519
I wish I could.
That's why I asked you if you knew somebody.
765
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,592
You think I'd tell you?
Find your own watermelons!
766
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,559
Look, darling, I love you, but if I can't find
any watermelons, I'm out of business.
767
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,596
Hello. Are you still there?
768
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,636
I'm sorry. I was interrupted.
769
00:49:23,720 --> 00:49:25,950
Could you tell me which hospital he's in?
770
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:27,792
Oh, thanks.
771
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:29,836
Thanks a lot.
772
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,276
(Doorbell rings)
773
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:42,518
Oh, excuse me, but I saw an advert
for someone to share a flat.
774
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:44,556
Oh, yes. Come in.
775
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,596
Thank you.
776
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,676
There's two of us here at the moment,
but we could use a third.
777
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:55,150
It'll be about L
778
00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:58,073
Oh, yes. At least it will be
as soon as I can get another job.
779
00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,479
Oh, what do you do, then?
780
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:00,913
Well, I was a stuffer.
781
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:02,877
I beg your pardon?
782
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:04,678
Oh. For sausage meat.
783
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:07,068
In a sausage factory.
784
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:08,957
Oh, yes.
785
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:10,519
You know, putting it in.
786
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,352
Why did you give it up?
787
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:16,069
Well, it wasn't a very interesting job.
Besides, I wanted to get away from home.
788
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,436
I'm sure you'll find something else.
Would you like to see round the flat?
789
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:22,273
I've got to go.
If I don't find a girl, I'll lose this job.
790
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,316
I wish I were dead.
791
00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:30,190
- Er, this is Adrian.
- Oh, how do you do?
792
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,794
Darling girl, where did you come from? Heaven?
793
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,552
No. Fulham.
794
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:35,595
Hm?
795
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:39,150
Fulham. Wonderful, beautiful Fulham.
796
00:50:39,240 --> 00:50:40,468
What does he mean?
797
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:46,271
Oh, darling, let me rest my mince pies.
Phwoar, they are... great!
798
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:48,430
- Knockout.
- What?
799
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:49,873
They are all yours, I take it?
800
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:51,518
Oh, don't be a fool, Adrian.
801
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:55,149
Oh, yeah, of course. They must be.
All right, darling. Get your gear off.
802
00:50:55,240 --> 00:50:56,389
What?
803
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:58,630
Your clothes. I want to have a butcher's at you.
804
00:50:58,720 --> 00:51:01,439
Who do you think I am?
805
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,876
Adrian, for heaven's sake, stop!
She isn't a model, you know.
806
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,394
Really? Well, what do you do, then, darling?
807
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:09,755
I shouldn't tell him that if I was you.
808
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,310
As a matter of fact,
she's not working at anything at the moment.
809
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:14,958
Oh?
810
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:18,828
Well, you are now, my darling. Phwoar!
811
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:59,712
'Ere, I never quite gathered, mate,
but what's supposed to be wrong with you?
812
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:01,392
Me?
813
00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:04,153
Oh, nothing at all. Why?
814
00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:05,593
There must be something wrong.
815
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,035
No, I'm fine.
816
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,116
He's over there.
817
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,839
Oh, thanks. I promise I'll only be a few minutes.
818
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,115
Oh!
819
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:22,792
Oh, I say, I'm awfully sorry. I didn't see you...
820
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,194
Gosh! You!
821
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:26,554
Yes.
822
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,076
Well, nobody can accuse us
of having dull meetings, can they?
823
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:31,593
But how did you get here?
824
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:34,752
Well, you left your card that night
and they told me where you were.
825
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:36,796
Oh, I see.
826
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:41,476
Oh. Excuse me.
827
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:46,790
I came because I wanted to apologise
for what happened in the flat that night.
828
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:50,793
You? But I'm the one who should apologise.
I behaved like an absolute clot.
829
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:54,759
No, it was really all my fault.
If I'd known who you were...
830
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,796
Oh, nonsense.
831
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:58,598
Anyway, nothing did happen, did it?
832
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:02,798
No. But what must you have thought of me,
taking all my clothes off like that!
833
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,394
Well, I can tell you now, I did feel a bit shaky.
834
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,358
Especially when you asked me
where I wanted you.
835
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:13,275
And you should have seen your face when I laid
down on the rug and told you to get on with it!
836
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:15,316
And I turned and bolted!
837
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,118
Well, er...
838
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,156
I just wanted to say sorry.
839
00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:21,595
I'll have to go now.
840
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,468
Oh, no, look, wait. Look, I get out of here
tomorrow. Could I see you again?
841
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,312
Well, if you really want to.
842
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:31,154
Oh, rather! I'd like to see a lot more of you.
843
00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:33,708
Oh, well, there isn't much
you haven't already seen.
844
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,472
No, I don't mean that.
845
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,118
No, I know.
846
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,555
Well, if you'd like to give me a call sometime...
847
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:41,596
- Yes, soon as I get out.
- Fine.
848
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,636
Bye for now, then.
849
00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:45,039
- Oh.
- Yes?
850
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:50,035
Um, don't think I'm being nosy,
but there is one thing I just have to know.
851
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:51,838
I haven't got a girl, if that's it.
852
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:56,835
No, but do you really make model aeroplanes
out of milk bottle tops?
853
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:58,592
Yes.
854
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:02,639
Oh. Good.
Well, I'll start saving mine for you, then.
855
00:54:02,720 --> 00:54:04,676
Bye.
856
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:09,236
Aeroplanes out of milk bottle tops?
857
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:13,359
Look, mate, I couldn't help hearing,
but is it really right, all that stuff?
858
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:14,873
What?
859
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:17,838
Well, you know, her stripping off
and laying on the rug and that?
860
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,478
Oh, yes.
861
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:22,438
- And you turned and ran?
- Yes.
862
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,318
Blimey! And you say
there's nothing wrong with you!
863
00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:38,196
And the next, please.
864
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:44,113
Why, Mrs Bliss! What a pleasant surprise.
Do come in. Sit down.
865
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:45,155
Thank you.
866
00:54:45,240 --> 00:54:47,913
Well, what brings you here
and what can I do for you?
867
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,560
Not a marital problem, I trust? (Laughs)
868
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,990
Well, hardly, Mr Snooper.
You see, I'm not married.
869
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,150
Yes, well, of course, that would be...
870
00:54:57,240 --> 00:55:01,358
What?
You mean, you and Mr Bliss are living in sin?
871
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,396
Well, not that either, unfortunately.
872
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:05,198
I don't understand.
873
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:09,478
For business reasons, he thought it would be
better if we appeared to be husband and wife.
874
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:13,439
Of course, we always had an understanding
that one day we would marry.
875
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:16,080
At least, I had an understanding.
876
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,116
How long has this been going on?
877
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:20,953
- Ten years.
- Oh, how terrible!
878
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:23,395
Oh, my dear Mrs Bliss.
879
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:25,038
Miss Plummet, actually.
880
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:27,076
Miss Plummet, oh.
881
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:28,912
How nice.
882
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,833
And you would like me to talk to Mr Bliss?
883
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:34,593
Oh, no. I'd never marry him now.
884
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:38,719
No, really, I came to talk about us...
885
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,358
About us?
886
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:45,150
Yes, you see, I've been studying your case
very carefully, Mr Snooper.
887
00:55:45,240 --> 00:55:47,470
And frankly, I feel that I am the only one
888
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:52,554
who comes anywhere near
satisfying your requirements for a wife.
889
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:56,076
Oh, well, I don't know about that. I'd have to...
890
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,390
Oh, please, listen to me, Mr Snooper.
891
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:01,836
I'm sure you'll agree that
I'm not one of your flighty young women.
892
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:04,309
Oh, no. No, not at all.
893
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:08,712
So, as far as sex is concerned,
I'd like to make my position quite clear.
894
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:13,555
- Yes, well, the position is half the battle, isn't it?
- Yes.
895
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:20,193
As your wife, I would run your home efficiently,
I would preside over your table gracefully,
896
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:24,193
and await any further demands... hopefully.
897
00:56:25,240 --> 00:56:29,279
Well, that is a most generous offer,
Miss Plummet.
898
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:34,718
I promise you, Mr Snooper,
you'll find me generous in all things.
899
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:39,555
Yes, well, I'd like a little time to think about it,
of course, you understand.
900
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:40,868
Of course.
901
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:42,518
I've been a bachelor for so long,
902
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:46,434
I can't help wondering
whether I'd be very satisfying as a husband.
903
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:49,273
- You know...
- I know.
904
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:53,353
On the other hand, with you, I can't help
feeling there's a chance it might work.
905
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:57,194
Well, don't worry.
If it didn't, we could always adopt a child.
906
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,353
What do you mean,
you're not coming into the office any more?
907
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:05,396
But, Sophie, I need you here.
908
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:08,631
What? Oh, that's nice, after all I've done for you.
909
00:57:08,720 --> 00:57:10,676
Now, listen. So...
910
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,115
Sophie.
911
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:15,634
What's the matter with her? What have I done?
912
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:20,672
Mr Philpot, what can I do for you?
913
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:23,433
You can give me my money back.
Every ruddy penny.
914
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,078
- Why? What's up?
- What's up?!
915
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:29,073
First of all, you sent me to see a girl
called Jenny Grubb. How about that?
916
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:30,878
Yeah, how about that? I never tried it.
917
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:34,111
A mouse. I've got more sex in my little finger.
918
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,078
If that weren't bad enough,
you put me onto that Miss Adams.
919
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:38,832
"An absolute cracker," you said.
920
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:40,797
That's true. I vetted her personally.
921
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:43,030
- "A good cook," you said.
- Yes, that's right.
922
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:45,270
She had something cooking... in the oven.
923
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:46,429
In the oven?
924
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,830
Yeah, by my reckoning, for about five months -
at regulo ten.
925
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:51,876
Oh, my gawd!
926
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:55,076
It's all right. I'm in the clear.
927
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:58,630
- You won't be if I don't get my money back.
- Wait a minute. Mistakes can happen.
928
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:02,599
I'll tell you what, I've got another one
here for you. Her name's Esme Crowfoot...
929
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:04,989
No. You know what you can do with
Esme Crowfoot.
930
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,355
I don't, but if you'd care to find out...
931
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,635
Give me back my money,
or I'm going to the police.
932
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,711
They'll never find you anything any good.
933
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,872
Fraud! That's what it is.
Obtaining money under false pretences.
934
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:18,236
Steady on. Why don't you just
come and sit down...
935
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,118
(Doorbell chimes Here Comes The Bride)
- Excuse me. Come in!
936
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:22,633
Just give me my money back...
937
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,596
Oh! Excuse me.
938
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,318
Am I interrupting?
939
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:33,036
Not at all, miss. Can I help you?
940
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:35,918
I just popped in to say that
you could take my name off your list.
941
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:38,036
You? You're on our books?
942
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:39,269
Don't you remember me?
943
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:41,112
- No.
- Jenny.
944
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:44,431
- Jenny Grubb.
- 'Ere, Jenny Grubb?
945
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:46,670
I came round to your place for tea
the other week.
946
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:49,320
Yes, and you weren't very impressed, were you?
947
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,356
No... Yes, yes!
948
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:54,671
It's just that you were dressed
rather differently then.
949
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:56,796
My parents believe in covering me up.
950
00:58:56,880 --> 00:59:01,192
- They're an old-fashioned pair, you know.
- Nonsense. They're a beautifully-fashioned pair.
951
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:02,759
Just hang on a minute,
952
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,831
Mr Philpot, it's my client, if you don't mind.
953
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:08,196
You want to come off our list.
Does that mean you're fixed up with someone?
954
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:10,748
Well, no, no-one special.
It's just that I've got a job.
955
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:13,957
I'm a model. And a new flat to live in,
so I thought I'd have a bit of fun.
956
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,476
You couldn't have come at a better time.
Let's go in the other office and talk.
957
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:20,836
Oh, no, I can't do that.
I've got a modelling job in half an hour.
958
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:23,992
It's for a new kind of body stocking
and I can't get out of it.
959
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,311
- Come in here, I'll get you out of it.
- No, I must go.
960
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:30,073
Here, I've got the old jam jar outside.
Let me give you a lift.
961
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:32,230
Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you.
962
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:33,355
Come on, then.
963
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,034
You've forgotten something.
You wanted your money back.
964
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:39,795
Me? What would I want my money back for?
You've done a splendid job here.
965
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,074
Have I?
966
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,116
Splendid.
967
00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:52,158
Grubb. Jenny Grubb.
968
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:55,156
Let's have a look at this.
969
00:59:55,240 --> 01:00:01,156
Miss Jenny Grubb. Age: 24 years.
Hair: brownish. Eyes: didn't notice.
970
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:04,038
Height: 5' 6". Never had any.
971
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:08,636
Eh? Oh, hobbies.
Yeah, well, that'll soon be changed.
972
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:16,156
Well, this is it.
973
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:18,196
- All right?
- Mm. Sexy.
974
01:00:18,280 --> 01:00:20,157
Ooh, you! You'd say a lumber room was sexy.
975
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:23,073
Only if I was rummaging through
your odds and ends.
976
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:27,116
Have you got in here again?
977
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:28,599
(Jenny claps her hands)
978
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,636
- Come on out.
(Meows)
979
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:33,314
Oh, it's the porter's, darned thing.
980
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:35,356
It's always sneaking in here.
981
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,032
Shoo, Cooking Fat, shoo!
982
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:42,473
(Jenny claps)
983
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:47,830
- Cooking Fat?
- Yes.
984
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,399
They can't call it that, surely?
985
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:50,993
Well, that's what it sounds like.
986
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,156
Come and get comfy.
987
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,879
Here, are you sure
your flatmates won't be back?
988
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:01,916
No, not until after 11.
989
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:06,118
- God, I really fancy you, Jenny.
- And I liked you the first time I met you.
990
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:08,156
Oh, let me get at you.
991
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:10,708
(Crunch)
- Oh, what the hell am I sitting on?
992
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,756
Urgh!
993
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:15,400
They're not yours, surely?
994
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:18,472
No, they're Gaye's. She really is a flat mate.
995
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:20,516
Come here, you little raver.
996
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,670
Oh, steady on. There's plenty of time.
997
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:24,671
And plenty of inclination.
998
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,716
Mm.
999
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,156
- Oh, Terry, stop it.
- Hm?
1000
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:36,800
- What are you doing?
- I'm looking for the zip.
1001
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:40,190
- You've got a sauce.
- Well, where is the darned thing?
1002
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:42,236
As if I'd tell you, anyway!
1003
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,276
- It's on the other side.
- Ah.
1004
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,276
- That's better.
- Ooh!
1005
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:49,828
- What's the matter?
- You've got cold hands.
1006
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:52,718
- Oh, Jenny...
- Oh, Terry...
1007
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:58,191
(Zipper)
1008
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:09,068
Oh, sorry, Jenny, I didn't know you were here.
1009
01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:11,116
I didn't know you were here.
1010
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:13,555
Sally, this is my night. Wednesday.
1011
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:16,871
I know. It's all right. I'm going out.
1012
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:19,110
As soon as I find my blue sweater, anyway.
1013
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,070
Have you had it?
1014
01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:26,195
Not yet.
1015
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,316
No, I have not had your blue sweater,
1016
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:31,472
and if you must go on looking for it in here,
will you put something on?
1017
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:33,516
Oh, sorry.
1018
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:35,113
But I've got to find it.
1019
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,156
Oh, I know. I bet Gaye's had it again.
1020
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:40,876
Do you want me to close the door?
1021
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:42,154
Yes, please.
1022
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:47,836
Oh, Terry, I'm so sorry.
1023
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:52,277
Not at all. It's a good job
she wasn't looking for her pants... or was it?
1024
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:55,834
- Oh, Terry...
- Oh, Jenny...
1025
01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:58,956
(Zipper)
1026
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:01,359
I found it.
1027
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:03,749
(Zipper)
- Hooray!
1028
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:07,037
Ooh, sorry. I won't bother you any more.
1029
01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:10,676
Do you want me to close the door?
1030
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:11,909
BOTH: Yes!
1031
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:16,916
Oh, Terry, I'm so sorry.
1032
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,956
Don't mention it. Don't mention it.
1033
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:21,956
You are sweet.
1034
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:24,918
- Oh, Jenny...
- Oh, Terry...
1035
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:25,955
(Zipper)
1036
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,716
- Oh, blimey!
(Zipper)
1037
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:34,552
Men! I've had them up to here.
1038
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:35,959
Oh, no.
1039
01:03:36,040 --> 01:03:37,712
Gaye, what are you doing here?
1040
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:39,233
It is my flat, isn't it?
1041
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:41,436
Yes, but it's Wednesday. My night.
1042
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:46,469
Oh, I'm sorry, but I've had another flaming row
with Adrian and I couldn't stand him any longer.
1043
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:48,676
Gaye, I've got a friend here.
1044
01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:51,593
Oh, well, you don't have to worry.
I'm going to bed.
1045
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:58,596
I'm glad this is your night.
I'd hate to be here when it wasn't.
1046
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:01,513
- Oh, Terry...
- Oh, Jenny...
1047
01:04:02,680 --> 01:04:04,636
Give me a number between one and ten.
1048
01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,073
Seven.
1049
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:07,832
You lose. Get your clothes off.
1050
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:09,558
(Zipper)
1051
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:11,312
(Doorbell rings)
1052
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:12,719
(Zipper)
1053
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:15,360
If that's Bertie,
tell him I won't be a minute, will you?
1054
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:18,398
- Do it yourself, I'm busy.
(Zipper)
1055
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:19,708
(Doorbell rings)
1056
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,958
If that's Adrian, tell him to go to hell!
1057
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:27,796
(Doorbell rings)
1058
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:31,637
- Oh, I could scream!
(Zipper)
1059
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:34,113
Ow!
1060
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,116
(Persistent doorbell)
1061
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:40,515
All right. Where is she? Where is that cow?
1062
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:44,195
Gaye's in her room
and she doesn't want to see you.
1063
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,555
- Well, I want to see her.
- I'm trying to entertain!
1064
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:47,834
Oh. How do you do?
1065
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:49,399
Hello.
1066
01:04:49,480 --> 01:04:53,029
- Open up, there! I want to talk to you!
- Adrian!
1067
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:54,314
I'll break the door down!
1068
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:55,355
- Adrian!
- What?
1069
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:56,793
That is a cupboard!
1070
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:58,359
Oh.
1071
01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:00,396
Sorry.
1072
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:03,796
Open up. I want to talk to you.
1073
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:05,438
Well, I don't want to talk to you.
1074
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:09,672
- I'll stay here all night if I have to.
- I had a nasty feeling he was going to say that.
1075
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:12,716
Well? What have you got to say?
1076
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:14,756
Darling, you know I can't exist without you.
1077
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:18,549
You seem to be able to exist with all those
other models you keep messing about with.
1078
01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:21,677
Oh, they mean nothing to me! You know that.
1079
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,309
Oh, Terry!
1080
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:31,116
(Doorbell rings)
1081
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:32,872
Oh, good. Company.
1082
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:36,555
Oh, I'm fed up with this!
I might as well be back home.
1083
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:43,277
- Yes?
- Oh, hello, Jenny. Is Sally ready?
1084
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:45,316
No. But do come in.
1085
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,356
Oh, thank you.
1086
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:53,716
Oh, hello.
1087
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:57,349
Oh, I'm sorry if I'm barging in.
Do go on with what you were doing.
1088
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:59,396
Chance'd be a fine thing!
1089
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:04,116
Quite a nice evening.
1090
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:05,792
Charming.
1091
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:07,711
I thought it would rain earlier.
1092
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:10,075
- Really?
- Yes.
1093
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:12,515
Anyway, we'll probably get it tonight.
1094
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,670
We'll be bloody lucky if we do, mate.
1095
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:16,159
(Door opens)
1096
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:20,320
Hello, Bertie. Sorry to have kept you waiting.
1097
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:22,356
Oh, that's all right.
1098
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:24,396
Well? What are we going to do, then?
1099
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:28,712
Well, if you'd like to stop in and make
some aeroplanes, I've brought some tops.
1100
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:32,918
Er, no, I don't think that would
be a very good idea. Not tonight, Bertie.
1101
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:36,675
All right. If that's the way it's to be,
I shall kill myself!
1102
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:41,030
- I will. I mean it.
- Oh, no. No, Adrian, don't! Don't!
1103
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:43,475
- Not in here.
- I shall shoot myself.
1104
01:06:43,560 --> 01:06:46,028
Go on. Shoot the lot,
then maybe we'll get some peace.
1105
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,317
- Goodbye.
- Oh, stop him, somebody!
1106
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:55,836
Oh, take cover!
1107
01:07:16,160 --> 01:07:18,116
Boo!
1108
01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:20,839
Aren't you getting tired of following me about?
1109
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:24,595
Excuse, gentle sir.
Me no spoking very good the English.
1110
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:26,636
Oh, gawd! A Bombay Bond!
1111
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:29,676
Ha-ha! Fooled him that time.
1112
01:07:29,760 --> 01:07:31,478
15:02.
1113
01:07:31,560 --> 01:07:38,272
Suspect left Cock Inn,
Saloon Bar, and proceeded back to office.
1114
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,629
- Sophie, you're back!
- Only to clear my desk.
1115
01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:51,951
Come on. Surely you're not still suspicious
of Esme Crowfoot and me?
1116
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:54,873
Ino longer care where you go,
or what you do, or to whom.
1117
01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:58,191
Oh, don't be like that. How about dinner tonight?
Just like old times?
1118
01:07:58,280 --> 01:08:00,396
You mean, like old time? And I paid the bill.
1119
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:02,072
All right. So it's my turn tonight.
1120
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:05,436
No, thank you. Anyway,
I'm having dinner with Mr Snooper at his home.
1121
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:06,839
- Alone?
- Certainly.
1122
01:08:06,920 --> 01:08:08,558
I hope you've got your tin drawers on.
1123
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,518
- (Laughs)
- Mr Snooper and I are to be married.
1124
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:14,797
Have you gone raving mad?
You don't know anything about the bloke.
1125
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:17,838
- He's a gentleman.
- I knew there was something wrong with him.
1126
01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:20,957
Well, have you any alternative suggestions
as to my future?
1127
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:22,439
- Yes, of course I have.
- Well?
1128
01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:25,034
Stay here with me.
It's been all right the last ten years.
1129
01:08:25,120 --> 01:08:28,829
- Goodbye, Sidney.
- Wait a minute, Sophie. Don't leave me like that.
1130
01:08:28,920 --> 01:08:31,150
I'll be lost without you. So will the business.
1131
01:08:31,240 --> 01:08:32,468
Ineed a woman. You know that.
1132
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:38,669
Then I suggest you put the details on the
appropriate card, and stick it in your computer!
1133
01:08:38,760 --> 01:08:40,716
All right, go, then!
1134
01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:42,472
See if I care.
1135
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:46,155
Marvellous. Give a woman the best years
of your life and look what happens.
1136
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:49,835
Mr bleedin' Snooper...
Snooper. What's he got, anyway?
1137
01:08:53,360 --> 01:08:56,989
Snooper, Percival.
Percival! Cor blimey, there's a good start!
1138
01:08:57,080 --> 01:09:00,993
Age 43, handsome,
well-mannered, sexually backward.
1139
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:04,072
That's him all right.
He doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
1140
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:07,118
Hobbies: reading, walking, playing bridge,
and poking...
1141
01:09:07,200 --> 01:09:08,758
around antique shops.
1142
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:12,515
45 Bolstrode Avenue.
Occupation: marriage guidance counsellor.
1143
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:16,309
Fancy! Well, I think it's time
I did a bit of marriage guiding myself.
1144
01:09:24,440 --> 01:09:26,396
Hello, Esme.
1145
01:09:26,480 --> 01:09:29,278
Sidney? You've got a nerve ringing me.
1146
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:31,954
I was wondering if you could
do me a small favour, darling?
1147
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:33,792
No, not that. Could you meet me tonight?
1148
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:37,919
I can't. You know how jealous Gripper gets.
Even more so now we're engaged.
1149
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:39,752
Engaged? Congratulations.
1150
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:43,355
You know I wouldn't bother you
unless it was desperate. Go on, please.
1151
01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:46,238
Well, all right,
but as long as you promise to behave.
1152
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:49,790
That's a good girl. Meet me outside
the Parkway Hotel, eight o'clock. Right?
1153
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:51,472
And wear your sexiest see-through.
1154
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:52,879
Whatever for?
1155
01:09:52,960 --> 01:09:56,669
Well, just because I can't touch,
doesn't mean I can't look, does it? Eh?
1156
01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:58,716
All right. See you then. Ta-ta.
1157
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:01,996
(Blows raspberry)
1158
01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:25,753
(Doorbell rings)
1159
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:29,196
It's all right, Miss Dempsey. I'll go.
This is the lady I was expecting.
1160
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:31,236
Very good, sir.
1161
01:10:33,600 --> 01:10:37,434
Ah, Miss Plummet!
How nice to see you. Do come in.
1162
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:42,676
This is Miss Dempsey,
my faithful, old housekeeper.
1163
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:45,320
Oh, I'm so pleased to meet you, Miss Dempsey.
1164
01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:48,039
Mr Snooper has told me
how well you look after him.
1165
01:10:48,120 --> 01:10:50,076
I've always done my best, I'm sure.
1166
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:52,390
Oh, a treasure. I'd be lost without her.
1167
01:10:52,480 --> 01:10:56,439
Oh, well, I hope you'll stay on
after Percival and I are married,
1168
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:58,078
Miss Dempsey.
1169
01:10:58,160 --> 01:11:01,072
Married? Oh!
1170
01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:03,116
What on earth's the matter with her?
1171
01:11:03,200 --> 01:11:07,079
- Oh, surely you know? She's in love with you.
- In love, with me?
1172
01:11:07,160 --> 01:11:10,709
Of course. You must have felt it on occasions?
1173
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:14,793
Certainly not. No. I've never laid a finger on her.
1174
01:11:14,880 --> 01:11:16,836
Would you care for a glass of sherry?
1175
01:11:18,760 --> 01:11:25,313
Throw me aside like an old, worn -out slipper,
after all the years I've slaved for him.
1176
01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:29,154
If I can't have him, nobody else is,
if I can prevent it.
1177
01:11:29,240 --> 01:11:33,153
Ah! Ah, I always knew
it would come in useful one day.
1178
01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:34,673
Ha-ha!
1179
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:40,753
It's a delightful house, Percival.
1180
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:42,796
I shall be very happy here.
1181
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:46,509
Good. I think you'll like
the first-floor front as your bedroom.
1182
01:11:47,560 --> 01:11:50,233
You mean, we won't be sleeping together, then?
1183
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:55,440
Oh, good gracious, no, my dear. Why on earth
should we with a house as large as this?
1184
01:11:55,520 --> 01:11:59,433
Yes, but I think it's a wife's duty
to be close to her husband
1185
01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:02,273
for the warmth and comfort it brings.
1186
01:12:02,360 --> 01:12:06,273
Oh, you don't want to worry about that.
I've got the electric blanket.
1187
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,078
Oh. How nice.
1188
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:13,473
Besides, sharing a bed together, we might be
tempted to indulge in carnal pursuits.
1189
01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:15,676
Oh, rather. Yes.
1190
01:12:15,760 --> 01:12:18,718
And we don't want any of that nonsense, do we?
1191
01:12:19,800 --> 01:12:23,190
Well, you're very strong-willed, obviously,
1192
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:27,034
but it's a temptation
I would find very hard to avoid.
1193
01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:29,714
Nonsense, my dear! Do as I do.
1194
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:34,032
Plenty of exercise, cold baths every morning
and a good dose of salts at night.
1195
01:12:34,120 --> 01:12:35,553
Cheers!
1196
01:12:36,640 --> 01:12:38,835
Cheers.
1197
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:50,630
Hang on a minute,
I've just got to make a quick call. Pay the cab.
1198
01:12:59,680 --> 01:13:02,148
(Phone rings)
1199
01:13:02,240 --> 01:13:04,310
Hello. Basher Street Gym here.
1200
01:13:06,440 --> 01:13:08,396
Ah!
1201
01:13:08,480 --> 01:13:10,391
Hold on. Gripper!
1202
01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:13,233
- It's for you.
- Oh. Excuse me.
1203
01:13:13,320 --> 01:13:14,992
Pleasure.
1204
01:13:20,640 --> 01:13:22,596
Hello. Gripper Burke here.
1205
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:24,432
This is a friend.
1206
01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:26,272
I just thought you ought to know,
1207
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:31,912
an oversexed nut by the name of Snooper
has just lured your fiancee into his house.
1208
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:33,319
What?! Where?
1209
01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:36,039
Bolstrode Avenue, 45.
1210
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:38,509
And if I was you, I'd get my skates on quick.
1211
01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:44,475
I think you'll find this wine amusing.
1212
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:47,393
(Knock on door)
- That'll be Miss Dempsey with the main course.
1213
01:13:47,480 --> 01:13:49,550
She always does something special. Come in!
1214
01:13:54,520 --> 01:13:56,431
Miss Dempsey!
1215
01:14:08,440 --> 01:14:09,998
Miss Dempsey!
1216
01:14:10,080 --> 01:14:12,992
Yes, what is it, love? I mean, sir.
1217
01:14:14,040 --> 01:14:15,837
Nothing. Nothing at all.
1218
01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:20,789
I'll have mine in the kitchen,
so you two can be alone. It's only fair.
1219
01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:22,996
What do you mean?
You always eat in the kitchen.
1220
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,833
Oh, yes, that's right. I always eat in the kitchen.
1221
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:28,070
Sorry, love.
1222
01:14:28,160 --> 01:14:30,674
Well, I'll be leaving you now, then.
1223
01:14:30,760 --> 01:14:35,231
Oh, um, will you want your electric blanket
switched on tonight?
1224
01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:36,912
Of course I will. Why shouldn't I?
1225
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:38,956
Well, we don't always like it, do we?
1226
01:14:39,040 --> 01:14:41,838
I mean, do you! What have I said?
1227
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:43,990
Miss Dempsey, what are you talking about?
1228
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:48,039
I'm sorry, I wouldn't like you to get any ideas
about me and Percy.
1229
01:14:48,120 --> 01:14:49,633
I mean, Mr Snooper.
1230
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:54,589
He's always behaved like the perfect gent
with me, except when we, er...
1231
01:14:54,680 --> 01:14:56,796
Well, you know.
1232
01:14:56,880 --> 01:14:59,110
I'm sure he has.
1233
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:02,112
What are you saying?
I've always been good to you, haven't I?
1234
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,668
Oh, you have, love. I mean, sir.
1235
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:09,834
He has, too. More than good.
Always gives me a little present afterwards.
1236
01:15:09,920 --> 01:15:12,593
After I've done something
especially nice for him.
1237
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:14,193
Miss Dempsey!
1238
01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:17,636
- Please!
- I'd better go, before I say something I shouldn't.
1239
01:15:22,240 --> 01:15:24,196
The woman's demented.
1240
01:15:24,280 --> 01:15:28,353
Sophia, surely you can't believe
there's anything in what she said.
1241
01:15:28,440 --> 01:15:32,513
Well, I realise Miss Dempsey may be upset
by the announcement of our marriage.
1242
01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:35,831
On the other hand, there's no smoke without fire.
1243
01:15:35,920 --> 01:15:38,514
And you can't have a fire
without it being properly laid.
1244
01:15:39,320 --> 01:15:41,276
I mean...
1245
01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:44,476
- That should be about right.
- What should?
1246
01:15:44,560 --> 01:15:47,711
Never mind. You know what you've got to do.
Lay it on good and thick.
1247
01:15:47,800 --> 01:15:48,869
Oh, Sid, I can't do it!
1248
01:15:48,960 --> 01:15:51,952
Is there a better way to show Sophie
you're not interested in me?
1249
01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:54,349
Very well, but don't blame me for what happens.
1250
01:15:54,440 --> 01:15:56,396
That's a good girl. Come on.
1251
01:15:56,480 --> 01:15:58,948
Come on. Come on.
1252
01:16:04,440 --> 01:16:09,514
Very well. I'm willing to accept that there has
been nothing between you and Miss Dempsey.
1253
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:12,194
She'll have to go, of course.
1254
01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:14,236
Go? But she's been here for years.
1255
01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:17,710
She has security and comfort here.
She'd never get it anywhere else.
1256
01:16:17,800 --> 01:16:20,917
Well, she's not getting it here any more.
1257
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:24,553
It's your choice, Percival. Her or me.
1258
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:25,959
Oh, very well, then.
1259
01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:27,996
Oh, that's settled, then.
1260
01:16:28,080 --> 01:16:29,479
(Knock at door)
- Come in.
1261
01:16:29,560 --> 01:16:31,516
There's a woman here to see you.
1262
01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:34,160
A woman? What woman?
1263
01:16:34,240 --> 01:16:36,276
"Just tell him Pussycat," she said,
1264
01:16:36,360 --> 01:16:37,873
"and he'll know who you mean."
1265
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:40,997
Pussycat? I don't know any Pussycats.
1266
01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:43,799
You'd better tell her.
She's waiting in the drawing room.
1267
01:16:43,880 --> 01:16:47,111
Oh, I don't understand.
She must have got the wrong house.
1268
01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:49,156
Um, excuse me.
1269
01:16:56,440 --> 01:16:59,079
- Madam, I think there's been some mistake.
- Oh, Percival!
1270
01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:03,597
I'm sorry, my darling, I just had to come.
I can't bear it any longer without you.
1271
01:17:03,680 --> 01:17:05,398
Madam, please try to control yourself.
1272
01:17:05,480 --> 01:17:09,029
How can you ask me to control myself
after all we've been to one another?
1273
01:17:09,120 --> 01:17:12,237
You who've never shown any control
where I'm concerned.
1274
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:15,039
- What?
- I need you, Percival!
1275
01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:17,873
The nights have been, oh, so empty!
1276
01:17:17,960 --> 01:17:21,714
I don't care how hard you beat me,
as long as you love me occasionally.
1277
01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:24,519
Oh, madam, please keep your voice down!
1278
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:26,556
You can be heard halfway through the house.
1279
01:17:28,040 --> 01:17:31,077
Look here, I don't know who you are,
or what you want...
1280
01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:33,116
Oh! What are you doing?
1281
01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:37,193
I want you to take me.
I'm yours. You know it. Take me.
1282
01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:40,431
But I don't want you! Stop it! Stop it at once!
1283
01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:42,954
No, you've found someone else!
I know it. I can feel it!
1284
01:17:43,040 --> 01:17:44,996
- Well, stop feeling it.
- Oh!
1285
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:47,719
Oh, Percival, how could you desert me like this?
1286
01:17:47,800 --> 01:17:50,917
What's to become of me and the baby?
1287
01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:54,037
The baby? What baby? I don't know any babies.
1288
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:57,271
I won't give you up, you hear?
I won't! You're mine!
1289
01:17:57,360 --> 01:18:01,035
- You'll always be mine.
- Help, Miss Dempsey! Help, Miss Dempsey!
1290
01:18:01,120 --> 01:18:02,473
Ah!
1291
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:05,028
Oh, no!
1292
01:18:05,120 --> 01:18:07,998
You! Esme Crowfoot!
1293
01:18:08,080 --> 01:18:11,993
You filthy, depraved beast!
1294
01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:14,036
No, Sophia, please, come back!
1295
01:18:14,120 --> 01:18:17,874
No, you don't need her, my darling,
you've got me!
1296
01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:19,393
Get off!
1297
01:18:19,480 --> 01:18:21,835
Get off me! You've no right.
1298
01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:27,914
Bingo!
1299
01:18:38,440 --> 01:18:40,396
Where is she? Where is she?
1300
01:18:40,480 --> 01:18:43,119
If you mean Pussycat, in there.
1301
01:18:44,160 --> 01:18:46,116
Ah, Gripper!
1302
01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:51,516
- What are you?
- You lousy swine. I'll kill you!
1303
01:18:51,600 --> 01:18:54,751
- What are you doing? You're all mad!
- I'm mad, all right.
1304
01:18:55,960 --> 01:18:58,952
Take your hands off him, you great bully, you!
1305
01:18:59,040 --> 01:19:01,156
Ow!
1306
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:06,233
Why, Miss Dempsey!
1307
01:19:15,120 --> 01:19:16,394
Oh, ta!
1308
01:19:23,080 --> 01:19:24,399
(Laughs)
1309
01:19:34,080 --> 01:19:35,957
Sophie, what happened?
1310
01:19:36,040 --> 01:19:37,393
Did you forget something?
1311
01:19:37,480 --> 01:19:42,395
No, I was just thinking about what you were
saying yesterday and, of course, you're right.
1312
01:19:42,480 --> 01:19:44,311
You can't run the business without me.
1313
01:19:44,400 --> 01:19:46,755
- I thought you were getting married?
- No.
1314
01:19:46,840 --> 01:19:48,239
Oh, oh.
1315
01:19:48,320 --> 01:19:49,912
Well, I'm very glad to hear it.
1316
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:52,468
Fancy that, eh? The old firm back in business.
1317
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:56,189
I think we ought to celebrate.
I'll nip down to the off-licence and get something.
1318
01:19:56,280 --> 01:19:58,236
Oh.
1319
01:20:00,640 --> 01:20:02,596
Lend us a couple...
1320
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:04,636
Thank you.
1321
01:20:10,400 --> 01:20:12,709
- Oh!
- Hello.
1322
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:15,796
Mr Bedsop!
1323
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:18,235
What are you doing here?
1324
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:22,552
Well, actually, I thought it was time
I gave you a report on Mr Bliss.
1325
01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:27,430
Oh, you're not still following him?
Oh, I am sorry, I should have told you to stop.
1326
01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:30,159
Well, I think you'll find it's all been worthwhile.
1327
01:20:30,240 --> 01:20:33,312
Particularly when you hear
whom he was with last night.
1328
01:20:33,400 --> 01:20:35,356
Oh, I'm sure it...
1329
01:20:35,440 --> 01:20:37,396
- Last night?
- Oh, yes.
1330
01:20:37,480 --> 01:20:40,517
He met a Miss Esme Crowfoot.
1331
01:20:41,560 --> 01:20:44,870
Really? Do go on, Mr Bedsop.
1332
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:56,029
Sophie! Come and get it.
1333
01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:01,070
Here, look. How about that? Champers.
1334
01:21:01,160 --> 01:21:04,038
- Oh, very nice. May I crack it?
- Yes, go on, go ahead.
1335
01:21:04,120 --> 01:21:06,076
Thank you.
1336
01:21:08,240 --> 01:21:10,196
What did you go and do that for?
1337
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:12,236
You wretch! You rotten swine!
1338
01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:17,030
Don't think I don't know you sent that poor
wretched woman into Mr Snooper's last night.
1339
01:21:17,120 --> 01:21:19,588
Well... Well, what if I did?
1340
01:21:19,680 --> 01:21:22,990
- I only did it cos I don't want to lose you.
- You've lost me now, for good.
1341
01:21:23,080 --> 01:21:25,036
No, wait, wait. I want to marry you.
1342
01:21:25,120 --> 01:21:27,076
You want to what?
1343
01:21:27,160 --> 01:21:31,199
Marry you. Well, I mean, that is, in time.
I don't want to rush you into anything.
1344
01:21:31,280 --> 01:21:33,350
All right. All right. Next week, then.
1345
01:21:33,440 --> 01:21:34,953
You heard that, Mr Bedsop?
1346
01:21:35,040 --> 01:21:36,439
I've got it down.
1347
01:21:36,520 --> 01:21:39,557
You won't regret it, Sid, I promise you.
1348
01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:41,596
I know that, darling.
1349
01:21:41,680 --> 01:21:43,830
I'll tell you what, why don't we have a booze-up
1350
01:21:43,920 --> 01:21:46,229
and invite all the couples
we've brought together?
1351
01:21:46,320 --> 01:21:48,470
- Careful, that's going to cost money.
- So what?
1352
01:21:48,560 --> 01:21:52,473
I know a fellow in catering and if we charge them
a guinea a head, we might make a few bob.
1353
01:21:52,560 --> 01:21:54,039
Oh, I love you!
1354
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:56,515
1355
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:27,394
(Knocks on table)
1356
01:22:27,480 --> 01:22:31,871
Ladies and gents, I realise that our marriage
has come as a bit of a shock to you all,
1357
01:22:31,960 --> 01:22:36,351
but I'd like you to know that we are delighted
to have you share this great day with us,
1358
01:22:36,440 --> 01:22:39,557
you happy couples that
we've had the pleasure of bringing together.
1359
01:22:39,640 --> 01:22:44,236
Just to look around this room and see
so many contented, ideally-matched couples
1360
01:22:44,320 --> 01:22:47,392
is reward in itself for the trouble
we have been to on your behalf.
1361
01:22:47,480 --> 01:22:49,994
You, like Sophie and me, have been dead lucky,
1362
01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:54,153
because you've had the benefit of
our expert knowledge and scientific advice.
1363
01:22:54,240 --> 01:22:58,791
So, I am not asking you only to drink to our
health and happiness, but to your own. Cheers.
1364
01:23:09,760 --> 01:23:11,716
1365
01:23:18,720 --> 01:23:20,233
(Tune trails off)
1366
01:23:21,880 --> 01:23:23,074
(Clears throat)
1367
01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:26,311
- 'Ere, that's it!
- What are you on about now?
1368
01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:28,356
That suit he's wearing.
1369
01:23:28,440 --> 01:23:31,512
That was the one
that was drying in your flat that night.
1370
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:33,556
Stop it, Gripper, don't make a scene.
1371
01:23:33,640 --> 01:23:37,394
So, it was you. I'll bloomin' well kill you!
1372
01:23:37,480 --> 01:23:41,598
What are you talking about? He's gone potty.
Don't pay any attention to him, Sophie.
1373
01:23:43,040 --> 01:23:44,792
I'll deal with you later!
1374
01:23:44,880 --> 01:23:46,836
Oh, you will, will you?
1375
01:23:49,520 --> 01:23:51,795
Don't you laugh at him, you little squirt!
1376
01:23:54,520 --> 01:23:56,476
How dare you, you old bag!
1377
01:23:57,680 --> 01:23:59,636
- Ow!
- (Laughs)
1378
01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:20,436
1379
01:24:50,400 --> 01:24:52,356
(Laughs)
1380
01:25:06,640 --> 01:25:07,675
Keep 'em coming.
1381
01:25:47,640 --> 01:25:49,790
GRIPPER: I'll tear you apart!
1382
01:25:50,305 --> 01:25:56,493
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